"Politics, divorced of religion, have absolutely no meaning."- Speech on 'Ashram Vows' at the YMCA, Madras, Indian Review, February 1916, The Hindu, 16 Feb. 1916 (from The Essential Writings of Mahatma Gandhi edited by Raghavan Iyer)
By nature, I am not a political animal. The arcane and convoluted workings of my government, even my local city government, much less the national government, seem contradictory, hypocritical, self-serving, and tedious, not to mention ineffective, if not outright damaging, and meaningless.
My country has never lived up to its ideals and often is engaged in action that is directly and demonstrably against what we say we believe and this has been true since our founding. Genocide, slavery, persecution, and theft mark my nation's heritage, mocking the pretty words of our Declaration of Independence and our Constitution.
As I read Gandhi's words and consider my country's history of the 'separation of church and state' and the recent struggles in my country and around the world with conservative/fundamentalist religious radicals, I find myself frustrated. The elements in America that wish to bring 'religion' back into politics are largely intolerant and would love to impose a form of Christian 'Sharia Law.' The separation of church and state is one of the bulwarks against this.
But the immorality, the unethical behavior, the evil that my government and its representatives, secular or religious, conservative or liberal, Republican or Democrat, perpetrate on their own people and the people of the world is wrong.
Too many people like me, see the problems and we tsk-tsk or we sit on our hands or we turn our heads away.
It's easier than screaming in rage or crying.
Got to be a better way.
Title from a quote by Will Rogers
29 March 2011
28 March 2011
Neighbors as Ourselves
"In this Ashram, we make it a rule that we must say 'No' when we mean 'No', regardless of consequences." - Speech on 'Ashram Vows' at the YMCA, Madras, Indian Review, February 1916, The Hindu, 16 Feb. 1916 (from The Essential Writings of Mahatma Gandhi edited by Raghavan Iyer)
My efforts at lobbying in support of the abused, neglected, and orphaned children in the state of Texas continued this morning.
After my disappointing and disheartening trip to the State Capitol last week, to talk to my local representative about the upcoming budget for these children, I wrote an email to the representative describing my position and my experience in her office. A return email from a staffer requested my telephone number so that she could speak with me about my experience and about the representatives support for the children of the state. I sent my number, but included that there was no need to call. That I did in fact understand what role the representative played in writing budgets and that the representative could still count on my support (which she can. Her opponents have made this state last among states in spending for children.)
She called this morning. I was polite. I was understanding. I was respectful. I'm afraid that what I was not was truthful. I'm afraid I let politeness smother the truth as I understand it.
What my representative agreed to in the budget will be a greater hardship for the children already suffering trauma.
I know that there are people in the world who would see the 'hardship' of my state as a huge step forward for their children. Their children lack food and clean water and shelter. Their lives are torn apart by disease and war.
I cannot reconcile these two worlds. I wish I could.
What I can do is speak for those being injured in my neighborhood.
But I must learn to lovingly speak the harsh truth and not hide the truth behind a curtain of politeness.
My efforts at lobbying in support of the abused, neglected, and orphaned children in the state of Texas continued this morning.
After my disappointing and disheartening trip to the State Capitol last week, to talk to my local representative about the upcoming budget for these children, I wrote an email to the representative describing my position and my experience in her office. A return email from a staffer requested my telephone number so that she could speak with me about my experience and about the representatives support for the children of the state. I sent my number, but included that there was no need to call. That I did in fact understand what role the representative played in writing budgets and that the representative could still count on my support (which she can. Her opponents have made this state last among states in spending for children.)
She called this morning. I was polite. I was understanding. I was respectful. I'm afraid that what I was not was truthful. I'm afraid I let politeness smother the truth as I understand it.
What my representative agreed to in the budget will be a greater hardship for the children already suffering trauma.
I know that there are people in the world who would see the 'hardship' of my state as a huge step forward for their children. Their children lack food and clean water and shelter. Their lives are torn apart by disease and war.
I cannot reconcile these two worlds. I wish I could.
What I can do is speak for those being injured in my neighborhood.
But I must learn to lovingly speak the harsh truth and not hide the truth behind a curtain of politeness.
26 March 2011
"The End of the World as We Know It"
"I hold that he who invented the atom bomb has committed the gravest sin in the world of science. The only weapon that can save the world is non-violence. Considering the trend of the world, I might appear a fool to everyone; but I do not feel sorry for it. I rather consider it a great blessing that God did not make me capable of inventing the atom bomb." - Talk with Englishmen (G.), Biharni Komi Agman, pp. 253-4 (from The Essential Writings of Mahatma Gandhi edited by Raghavan Iyer)
I am not capable of inventing the atom bomb. I am, however, capable of loading an atom bomb on an airplane, strapping in the pilots, starting the engines, and taxiing the plane out of the bunker it was stored in, and I have done just that.
The birth of my biological daughter and son were paid for because I could do that. My home loan was cheaper and my loan was guaranteed because I could do that. My health insurance is paid for because I could do that. I can be buried in a hero's grave because I did that.
I have practiced the end of the world, many, many times.
At the time, I thought my motives were good. I was not a patriot protecting my country, I was a husband supporting his family.
I didn't think I had any other options at the time, and I am not ashamed that I made that choice.
But the sin is a heavy weight.
A heavy weight that has opened my eyes to what I believe to be the true path; non-violence.
I am not capable of inventing the atom bomb. I am, however, capable of loading an atom bomb on an airplane, strapping in the pilots, starting the engines, and taxiing the plane out of the bunker it was stored in, and I have done just that.
The birth of my biological daughter and son were paid for because I could do that. My home loan was cheaper and my loan was guaranteed because I could do that. My health insurance is paid for because I could do that. I can be buried in a hero's grave because I did that.
I have practiced the end of the world, many, many times.
At the time, I thought my motives were good. I was not a patriot protecting my country, I was a husband supporting his family.
I didn't think I had any other options at the time, and I am not ashamed that I made that choice.
But the sin is a heavy weight.
A heavy weight that has opened my eyes to what I believe to be the true path; non-violence.
25 March 2011
The Least of These
"Every sin is a form of violence."- 'Problem of Non-Violence,' Navajivan, 6 June 1926 (from The Essential Writings of Mahatma Gandhi edited by Raghavan Iyer)
I'm a foster parent.
My state, like many states, is having sever budget issues. Yesterday, I went to my State Capitol to rally and lobby to restore the funds cut from the proposed State Budget for the agency that oversees abused and neglected children. I won't bore you with the details, even if I fully understood them, but suffice it to say, that the proposed cuts would devastate a protection system that is already last in the country in helping children.
I was brushed off by my local state representative, one of the few liberals left in my state's government, and I found out that this representative was actually responsible for writing this section of the proposed budget. She defends the budget by saying how much worse it could be.
I sat down in the halls of government and watched, and prayed, and thought.
Everything in the Capitol Building is over-sized, gilded, hand carved and covered in leather. Twenty foot high ceilings and doors. Marble walls, columns, statuary. Enormous wooden door frames and stair railings. Huge paintings of the important battles for independence. Portraits of every Governor, many of whom have gone on to be President. And gold and bronze gilded everything. The place was designed for fifteen foot high humans who stride like gods through the halls.
I went out onto the grounds of the Capitol and found what the plaque said was a collection of six statues of school children created with funds donated by school children in 1993. "A Tribute to Texas School Children" the plaque was titled. Only four of the statues were there. The base for a fifth was still there, the sixth base was missing.
I wanted to cry.
The giants of the Texas Legislature and the school children of Texas.
"Every sin is a form of violence."
I'm a foster parent.
My state, like many states, is having sever budget issues. Yesterday, I went to my State Capitol to rally and lobby to restore the funds cut from the proposed State Budget for the agency that oversees abused and neglected children. I won't bore you with the details, even if I fully understood them, but suffice it to say, that the proposed cuts would devastate a protection system that is already last in the country in helping children.
I was brushed off by my local state representative, one of the few liberals left in my state's government, and I found out that this representative was actually responsible for writing this section of the proposed budget. She defends the budget by saying how much worse it could be.
I sat down in the halls of government and watched, and prayed, and thought.
Everything in the Capitol Building is over-sized, gilded, hand carved and covered in leather. Twenty foot high ceilings and doors. Marble walls, columns, statuary. Enormous wooden door frames and stair railings. Huge paintings of the important battles for independence. Portraits of every Governor, many of whom have gone on to be President. And gold and bronze gilded everything. The place was designed for fifteen foot high humans who stride like gods through the halls.
I went out onto the grounds of the Capitol and found what the plaque said was a collection of six statues of school children created with funds donated by school children in 1993. "A Tribute to Texas School Children" the plaque was titled. Only four of the statues were there. The base for a fifth was still there, the sixth base was missing.
I wanted to cry.
The giants of the Texas Legislature and the school children of Texas.
"Every sin is a form of violence."
24 March 2011
Deep Down Inside, I'm Really Very Shallow
"Everyone should follow his or her own inner voice. If he or she has no ears to listen to it, he or she should do the best he or she can." - 'Non-Violence,' Harijan, 29 June 1947
My mother used to say about herself that 'Deep down inside, I'm really very shallow." I've always felt that this described me.
I pray. I meditate. I daily seek guidance from a Higher Power. I have a spiritual community and I am an active member. But 'Deep down inside, I'm really very shallow.'
I won't say that I have never heard from my inner voice, but it's rare. I, apparently, often, have 'no ears to listen.' That's why I read Gandhi and others who do have 'ears to listen.' That's why I have a spiritual community. These people had and have 'ears to listen,' and I seek their wisdom and guidance.
I don't think I have to reinvent the wheel. Better people than I have shown the way. I can walk in their footprints.
And I don't worry about being sheep-like. My life and experience , my personality, the place I choose to live, the things I think are important, are different from anyone and everyone else. The way I am guided by the those who have ears, will not resemble anything anyone else has done.
I will continue to try and follow my own inner voice, but when that voice is silent or I am unable to hear, I have voices from the past who have marked the path and I have friends and companions whom I trust who help steer me back onto that path when I go astray.
I'm grateful.
My mother used to say about herself that 'Deep down inside, I'm really very shallow." I've always felt that this described me.
I pray. I meditate. I daily seek guidance from a Higher Power. I have a spiritual community and I am an active member. But 'Deep down inside, I'm really very shallow.'
I won't say that I have never heard from my inner voice, but it's rare. I, apparently, often, have 'no ears to listen.' That's why I read Gandhi and others who do have 'ears to listen.' That's why I have a spiritual community. These people had and have 'ears to listen,' and I seek their wisdom and guidance.
I don't think I have to reinvent the wheel. Better people than I have shown the way. I can walk in their footprints.
And I don't worry about being sheep-like. My life and experience , my personality, the place I choose to live, the things I think are important, are different from anyone and everyone else. The way I am guided by the those who have ears, will not resemble anything anyone else has done.
I will continue to try and follow my own inner voice, but when that voice is silent or I am unable to hear, I have voices from the past who have marked the path and I have friends and companions whom I trust who help steer me back onto that path when I go astray.
I'm grateful.
23 March 2011
Right Here, Right Now
"Our non-violence has to begin at home with our children, elders, neighbours, and friends." - Fragment of a Letter to Abdul Ghaffar Khan, Harijan, 18 Jan 1942 (from The Essential Writings of Mahatma Gandhi edited by Raghavan Iyer)
I dream, I pray, for non-violence in far away lands. I practice non-violence in my front yard.
I live on a neighborhood street that is used to reach the local high school and other streets that lead out into the city. I spend time in my front yard greeting strangers and neighbors who pass by and I plant shrubbery and trees along the edge of the street to narrow the lanes and slow the speeding traffic.
I compost.
I recycle anything and everything that I can.
I live in a semi-arid land. I dig up the plants that are water hogs, e.g. my lawn, and I plant native plants.
I ride my bicycle to the store.
I have two beautiful foster daughters. Tomorrow, I will visit my locally elected representatives at the state capitol to lobby for continued support for abused and orphaned children as the legislators consider cuts to the budget.
I have an ever expanding garden to grow as much of my food as I can.
I buy local, organic fruits and vegetables whenever it is available.
It's a small start. There is much more that I could do, but I am still at the beginning of this journey.
I dream, I pray, for non-violence in far away lands. I practice non-violence in my front yard.
I live on a neighborhood street that is used to reach the local high school and other streets that lead out into the city. I spend time in my front yard greeting strangers and neighbors who pass by and I plant shrubbery and trees along the edge of the street to narrow the lanes and slow the speeding traffic.
I compost.
I recycle anything and everything that I can.
I live in a semi-arid land. I dig up the plants that are water hogs, e.g. my lawn, and I plant native plants.
I ride my bicycle to the store.
I have two beautiful foster daughters. Tomorrow, I will visit my locally elected representatives at the state capitol to lobby for continued support for abused and orphaned children as the legislators consider cuts to the budget.
I have an ever expanding garden to grow as much of my food as I can.
I buy local, organic fruits and vegetables whenever it is available.
It's a small start. There is much more that I could do, but I am still at the beginning of this journey.
22 March 2011
Self-Purification
"Non-violence implies as complete self-purification as is humanly possible." - "The Greatest Force," Harijan, 12 Oct. 1935 (from The Essential Writings of Mahatma Gandhi edited by Raghavan Iyer)
I struggle with Gandhi's often puritanical approach to non-violence. I want to be a better person. I want to eliminate violence from my life. I believe in prayer and spiritual growth, but I am not seeking moksha, spiritual release from the cycle of death and reincarnation. I do not have Gandhi's understanding of what happens after death. I'm not sure what happens after death. And I certainly don't want the success or failure of non-violence in the world even slightly dependent on how close to perfection I come. I am, and I'm afraid I will always be, far, far from perfection.
I believe in a God that can redeem the mistakes I make and the awful tragedies that happen in the world. Karma, actions and deeds that shape past, present and future events, is not a part of what I believe.
I don't want to be purified. I'm happy being a muddled human being, fumbling my way through life, trusting that God will take my humble offerings and do something miraculous. I trust God will do this, because I have seen God do this in the past, and not just in my life, but in the lives of friends and relatives and strangers.
This is not an excuse for laziness or lack of effort or not working on personal growth or any other failure to do whatever it is in my power to do that can help change the world, but I trust that the feebleness of my efforts will not keep God from taking them and multiplying them a thousand fold or ten thousand fold.
I may be wrong. I will certainly keep asking God to help me overcome my defects of character, my greed, my sloth, my lust, my gluttony, etc., and perhaps God will work miracles in me. I don't believe that God needs my help, I think God wants my help and that's why God created me as I am, foibles and all.
I struggle with Gandhi's often puritanical approach to non-violence. I want to be a better person. I want to eliminate violence from my life. I believe in prayer and spiritual growth, but I am not seeking moksha, spiritual release from the cycle of death and reincarnation. I do not have Gandhi's understanding of what happens after death. I'm not sure what happens after death. And I certainly don't want the success or failure of non-violence in the world even slightly dependent on how close to perfection I come. I am, and I'm afraid I will always be, far, far from perfection.
I believe in a God that can redeem the mistakes I make and the awful tragedies that happen in the world. Karma, actions and deeds that shape past, present and future events, is not a part of what I believe.
I don't want to be purified. I'm happy being a muddled human being, fumbling my way through life, trusting that God will take my humble offerings and do something miraculous. I trust God will do this, because I have seen God do this in the past, and not just in my life, but in the lives of friends and relatives and strangers.
This is not an excuse for laziness or lack of effort or not working on personal growth or any other failure to do whatever it is in my power to do that can help change the world, but I trust that the feebleness of my efforts will not keep God from taking them and multiplying them a thousand fold or ten thousand fold.
I may be wrong. I will certainly keep asking God to help me overcome my defects of character, my greed, my sloth, my lust, my gluttony, etc., and perhaps God will work miracles in me. I don't believe that God needs my help, I think God wants my help and that's why God created me as I am, foibles and all.
21 March 2011
Fear & Love
"Fear and love are contradictory terms. Love is reckless in giving away, oblivious as to what it gets in return. Love wrestles with the world as with itself and ultimately gains a mastery over all other feelings." - 'From S.S. Rajputana-III' (Letter from M.D.)*, Young India, 1 Oct. 1931 (from The Essential Writings of Mahatma Gandhi edited by Raghavan Iyer)
Fear, I understand. I am a very fearful person and have always been so from my earliest memories. My father used to tell me that there was nothing to be afraid of. This did not help. It only made me feel bad about myself for being weak.
Today, I still have many fears. I fear financial insecurity, even though I have more than enough money. I fear old age and poor health. I fear losing my wife. I fear losing my daughters, biological and foster. I fear strangers. The list goes on and on.
But I have also begun to learn love. I started to learn in my late teens when I decided that for me the most important thing in the universe were children. Much of my adult life has been spent sharing my life with children. This brings me great joy and great sorrow, but mostly great love. I don't know that I have helped any of them, but I know that they have helped me.
It was this love that brought me to non-violence. It takes but a glance at history to see that the greatest victims of violence and greed have always been children. Followed closely, I might add, by the victimization of women.
A world of non-violence, a world of love, would be a world where the least among us would be raised up as the most important and most valued.
* Mahadev Desai published the above extract from a discours given by Gandhi at the evening prayer, during his voyage to London.
Fear, I understand. I am a very fearful person and have always been so from my earliest memories. My father used to tell me that there was nothing to be afraid of. This did not help. It only made me feel bad about myself for being weak.
Today, I still have many fears. I fear financial insecurity, even though I have more than enough money. I fear old age and poor health. I fear losing my wife. I fear losing my daughters, biological and foster. I fear strangers. The list goes on and on.
But I have also begun to learn love. I started to learn in my late teens when I decided that for me the most important thing in the universe were children. Much of my adult life has been spent sharing my life with children. This brings me great joy and great sorrow, but mostly great love. I don't know that I have helped any of them, but I know that they have helped me.
It was this love that brought me to non-violence. It takes but a glance at history to see that the greatest victims of violence and greed have always been children. Followed closely, I might add, by the victimization of women.
A world of non-violence, a world of love, would be a world where the least among us would be raised up as the most important and most valued.
* Mahadev Desai published the above extract from a discours given by Gandhi at the evening prayer, during his voyage to London.
18 March 2011
Prayer vs. Protest
"The cry for peace will be a cry in the wilderness, so long as the spirit of non-violence does not dominate millions of men and women." - 'Non-Violence -- The Greatest Force,' The Hindu, 8 Nov. 1926 (from The Essential Writings of Mahatma Gandhi edit by Raghavan Iyer)
In past weeks, the United States saw large protests from teachers, government workers, and concerned Americans about workers rights to organize and bargain and the slashing of government budgets leading to massive lay-offs of government workers. I participated in one of these protests in my state, Texas, in support of teachers in Wisconsin.
I left this protests, and most of the protests I have ever participated in, feeling empty and sad. I know that I am not the only one who left feeling this way. I spoke to friends who were there. I don't think this is how people should feel when they leave an event like this. There should be energy and excitement. There should be community and hope.
When I read the above essay, I began to understand why I feel this way.
The tactics of non-violence, have become widespread in this country. The spirit of non-violence abides in almost no one.
I have read a number of Dr. Martin Luther King's speeches. I have read John Lewis' book "Walking with the Wind." I have read many more books about non-violence, and yet, I forget that non-violence is not a set of techniques for getting what I want. It is a way of life. A way of being. It is heart and soul and not hand, foot, and tongue.
Prayer is more important than protest.
In past weeks, the United States saw large protests from teachers, government workers, and concerned Americans about workers rights to organize and bargain and the slashing of government budgets leading to massive lay-offs of government workers. I participated in one of these protests in my state, Texas, in support of teachers in Wisconsin.
I left this protests, and most of the protests I have ever participated in, feeling empty and sad. I know that I am not the only one who left feeling this way. I spoke to friends who were there. I don't think this is how people should feel when they leave an event like this. There should be energy and excitement. There should be community and hope.
When I read the above essay, I began to understand why I feel this way.
The tactics of non-violence, have become widespread in this country. The spirit of non-violence abides in almost no one.
I have read a number of Dr. Martin Luther King's speeches. I have read John Lewis' book "Walking with the Wind." I have read many more books about non-violence, and yet, I forget that non-violence is not a set of techniques for getting what I want. It is a way of life. A way of being. It is heart and soul and not hand, foot, and tongue.
Prayer is more important than protest.
17 March 2011
Libya & Egypt
"Non-violence is the law of our species as violence is the law of the brute. The spirit lies dormant in the brute and he knows no law but that of physical might. The dignity of man requires obedience to a higher law - to the strength of the spirit." - 'The Doctrine of the Sword', Young India, 11 Aug. 1920 (from The Essential Writings of Mahatma Gandhi edited by Raghavan Iyer)
It is with sadness but no surprise that I watch the brief civil uprising in Libya crumble. When the 'protesters' became 'rebels,' the end was in sight. Gadhafi could claim that he was not killing 'civilians' but 'armed insurgents,' and there is enough truth in that to stymie those who would lend aid.
In Egypt, the protesters struggled with how to react to violence from the government. We watched them struggle and we watched them choose non-violence. This choice opened the heart of the world to the Egyptian people.
The situation in Libya is undoubtedly very different from Egypt. I am certain that many, many unarmed, peaceful people would have died in Libya before Gadhafi gave up power. But many people have still died and many more will die. And which ever side in this civil war wins, my heart will go out to the victims of the fighting on both sides, the women and children caught in the middle, and not the victors. My spirit does not go out to the armed men on either side.
The spirit of humanity versus the spirit of the brute.
It is with sadness but no surprise that I watch the brief civil uprising in Libya crumble. When the 'protesters' became 'rebels,' the end was in sight. Gadhafi could claim that he was not killing 'civilians' but 'armed insurgents,' and there is enough truth in that to stymie those who would lend aid.
In Egypt, the protesters struggled with how to react to violence from the government. We watched them struggle and we watched them choose non-violence. This choice opened the heart of the world to the Egyptian people.
The situation in Libya is undoubtedly very different from Egypt. I am certain that many, many unarmed, peaceful people would have died in Libya before Gadhafi gave up power. But many people have still died and many more will die. And which ever side in this civil war wins, my heart will go out to the victims of the fighting on both sides, the women and children caught in the middle, and not the victors. My spirit does not go out to the armed men on either side.
The spirit of humanity versus the spirit of the brute.
13 March 2011
Faster than a Speeding Bullet
"True humility means most strenuous and constant endeavour entirely directed towards the service of humanity." - Letter to Narandas Gandhi (G.), MMU/I, October 7, 1930
I don't know how to respond to the images on TV of the earthquake and tsunami in Japan. I can give money and I may, and every little bit helps, but I want to be on the ground helping rebuild and that is not possible.
My duties are here with my family and my foster daughters and the struggles in my community to keep the government assisting minorities and the poor.
But these duties seem so mundane.
I dream of taking food and water to the people who's lives have been devastated by natural disaster. I fantasize about being on the front lines of the nonviolent protests in the Middle East. I want to help the children in Africa or India who have no food or clean water or shelter.
But this is not what God has called me to do. God has given me a wife who writes grants for non-profit organizations to help the poor and minorities. God has given me teenage girls who's parents have abandoned them. God has given me a state government, Texas, USA, that is at the bottom in the way it takes care of its children.
And when I remember that I am not a superhero in tights and a cape, what God has called me to do seems very important.
I pray for the people of Japan.
I don't know how to respond to the images on TV of the earthquake and tsunami in Japan. I can give money and I may, and every little bit helps, but I want to be on the ground helping rebuild and that is not possible.
My duties are here with my family and my foster daughters and the struggles in my community to keep the government assisting minorities and the poor.
But these duties seem so mundane.
I dream of taking food and water to the people who's lives have been devastated by natural disaster. I fantasize about being on the front lines of the nonviolent protests in the Middle East. I want to help the children in Africa or India who have no food or clean water or shelter.
But this is not what God has called me to do. God has given me a wife who writes grants for non-profit organizations to help the poor and minorities. God has given me teenage girls who's parents have abandoned them. God has given me a state government, Texas, USA, that is at the bottom in the way it takes care of its children.
And when I remember that I am not a superhero in tights and a cape, what God has called me to do seems very important.
I pray for the people of Japan.
09 March 2011
The Great Undertaking
"I have undertaken to reform a single person, and that is my own self. And I realize how difficult it is to reform him." - A Letter to Adamsaleh A. Patel (G.), SN 19901, April 14, 1926
What can I add?
Amen.
What can I add?
Amen.
08 March 2011
"I Ever Compromise My Own Ideals"
"Achara means the outward mode of living and it can change from time to time. The rules of inner living must remain the same; that is, one should cling to truth, ahimsa, etc. In trying to follow them, we may change the rules of outward mode of living whenever necessary." A Letter (G.), Mahadevbhaini Diary, Vol. I, p. 364
When I first read Gandhi many years ago, one of the first changes I made was to give up my car and begin riding my bicycle for transportation. I felt then, and I still feel today, that in the United States, transportation by automobile is a form of violence. We fight wars for oil for our cars. Tens of thousands are killed on our highways, and hundreds of thousands are injured annually. Our transportation system sub-divides neighbor from neighbor with dead zones of blacktop. Money that could be spent helping the least among us is spent paving paradise and chrome plates our lives. More can be added to the list.
For ten years my wife and I lived without a car. We cycled everywhere we went. To choose this life in an American city means sacrifices. Our daily lives were circumscribed by our limited method of transportation. We were happy with these limits for many years.
And then my life turned in a different direction. My daughter found out she had a medical condition that precluded her from having children. For many years I have worked with teenagers. The prospect of no grandchildren made us rethink our lives. We decided to become foster parents. Teenage girls began to come and live in our home. The foster care system requires trips to family court, to doctors, to therapists, to various and sundry meetings most of which were not in our city, and teenage girls have needs for social lives that are not local. Being without a car was no longer an option.
We own two now. The truth of sharing our home with children without homes has supplanted the truth of not owning a car. I still try and ride my bicycle to the local store and any nearby meetings, but my life now revolves around my girls and not my transportation.
Do I have mixed feelings about this? Of course, but I am comfortable in this decision. It's not perfect. I have had to compromise, but I can live with the compromise.
When I first read Gandhi many years ago, one of the first changes I made was to give up my car and begin riding my bicycle for transportation. I felt then, and I still feel today, that in the United States, transportation by automobile is a form of violence. We fight wars for oil for our cars. Tens of thousands are killed on our highways, and hundreds of thousands are injured annually. Our transportation system sub-divides neighbor from neighbor with dead zones of blacktop. Money that could be spent helping the least among us is spent paving paradise and chrome plates our lives. More can be added to the list.
For ten years my wife and I lived without a car. We cycled everywhere we went. To choose this life in an American city means sacrifices. Our daily lives were circumscribed by our limited method of transportation. We were happy with these limits for many years.
And then my life turned in a different direction. My daughter found out she had a medical condition that precluded her from having children. For many years I have worked with teenagers. The prospect of no grandchildren made us rethink our lives. We decided to become foster parents. Teenage girls began to come and live in our home. The foster care system requires trips to family court, to doctors, to therapists, to various and sundry meetings most of which were not in our city, and teenage girls have needs for social lives that are not local. Being without a car was no longer an option.
We own two now. The truth of sharing our home with children without homes has supplanted the truth of not owning a car. I still try and ride my bicycle to the local store and any nearby meetings, but my life now revolves around my girls and not my transportation.
Do I have mixed feelings about this? Of course, but I am comfortable in this decision. It's not perfect. I have had to compromise, but I can live with the compromise.
07 March 2011
Gratitude List
"It is our actions which count. Thoughts, however good in themselves, are like false pearls unless they are translated into action." A Letter (G.), Mahadevbhaini Diary, Vol. II, p. 15
I am basically a lazy person. I love television and computer games. As a writer, I can delude myself into thinking I am 'doing something' when actually all that I am accomplishing is wasting time.
I'm not even sure that little projects like this blog count as 'doing something,' even though I pat myself on the back every time I post and tick off as something accomplished on my to-do list.
When I am 'doing something,' I often feeling as though I am flailing about. "When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream, and shout."
But then I stop and count my blessing, make a gratitude list:
And I am inspired to get back to work.
I am basically a lazy person. I love television and computer games. As a writer, I can delude myself into thinking I am 'doing something' when actually all that I am accomplishing is wasting time.
I'm not even sure that little projects like this blog count as 'doing something,' even though I pat myself on the back every time I post and tick off as something accomplished on my to-do list.
When I am 'doing something,' I often feeling as though I am flailing about. "When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream, and shout."
But then I stop and count my blessing, make a gratitude list:
- My family and I are healthy.
- There is food in the refrigerator.
- There is a roof over our head.
- There is more than enough money.
- I have people who love me.
- I have friends who like me.
- I have more than enough work to keep me busy even if I don't always know exactly what my priorities are.
- I live in country where I am not persecuted for what I believe or what I say or how I dress or much of anything that isn't destructive or harmful.
- I have happy memories and little mementos that remind me of many of those memories.
- I have leisure time to study or meditate or just relax.
And I am inspired to get back to work.
06 March 2011
Progress not Perfection
"Faith is not a thing to grasp, it is a state to grow to. And growth comes from within." - A Letter, Mahadev Desai's Diary (MSS), 3 May 1935
I am not a deep spiritual person. My mother used to say, "Deep down inside, I'm really very shallow," and I believe that describes me. I don't have strong convictions and even though I pray regularly and meditate often, I rarely feel in touch with the Great Spirit, a power greater than myself, God, the creator, or whatever of the thousand names you prefer.
And I don't worry about that. I know that my feelings are all on the inside and have nothing to do with what's really going on in the universe (and by universe, I do not mean what physicists mean by 'universe.' I mean everything, whatever that means.)
My feelings are not what are important. My actions are what are important. "Simplicity, service, living so as not to hurt others," to quote Gandhi.
I try and practice a simple faith by doing what other spiritual people do and I leave the outcome up to God.
I am not a deep spiritual person. My mother used to say, "Deep down inside, I'm really very shallow," and I believe that describes me. I don't have strong convictions and even though I pray regularly and meditate often, I rarely feel in touch with the Great Spirit, a power greater than myself, God, the creator, or whatever of the thousand names you prefer.
And I don't worry about that. I know that my feelings are all on the inside and have nothing to do with what's really going on in the universe (and by universe, I do not mean what physicists mean by 'universe.' I mean everything, whatever that means.)
My feelings are not what are important. My actions are what are important. "Simplicity, service, living so as not to hurt others," to quote Gandhi.
I try and practice a simple faith by doing what other spiritual people do and I leave the outcome up to God.
03 March 2011
A Quack like Me
"The optimist lives delighting in thoughts of love and charity...The pessimist, being himself prey to violent attachments and dislikes, looks upon every person as his enemy..." - 'Optimism' (G.), Navajivan, 23 Oct 1921
My wife has told me often over the years that when ever we talk about the future, I always see the bad things that can happen and never the good, and I believe she is telling me the truth.. It is a hard thing for me to hear.
I want to believe that I am an optimist, but that is not the truth. I live in fear. I seem to have been that way as long as I can remember.
When I was a boy and would tell my father that I was afraid, he would look at me sternly and tell me there was nothing to be afraid of.
My father had a difficult upbringing. His mother was married either seven or nine times, he wasn't sure which. At the age of sixteen, he beat up his then current step-father and went to live in the oil fields of California with his real father, working for him on his wild-cat oil rigs. At seventeen, he joined the Navy and was in port in Pearl Harbor on Dec. 7, 1941. His first ship was sunk there. Two more ships he was on during the war were sunk in the Pacific. I don't think he could ever let himself feel scared and he didn't want his son to be fearful. But I was, and I felt like I was a failure. I was never the son my father wanted. He wanted a man's man. I was far more comfortable with women.
In recent years, I have begun to accept that I am a fearful person. I don't like it, but I have stopped trying to change this fact about myself. It is not in my power to change. However, what is in my power to change is how I react to my fears.
I pray for courage.
My wife has told me often over the years that when ever we talk about the future, I always see the bad things that can happen and never the good, and I believe she is telling me the truth.. It is a hard thing for me to hear.
I want to believe that I am an optimist, but that is not the truth. I live in fear. I seem to have been that way as long as I can remember.
When I was a boy and would tell my father that I was afraid, he would look at me sternly and tell me there was nothing to be afraid of.
My father had a difficult upbringing. His mother was married either seven or nine times, he wasn't sure which. At the age of sixteen, he beat up his then current step-father and went to live in the oil fields of California with his real father, working for him on his wild-cat oil rigs. At seventeen, he joined the Navy and was in port in Pearl Harbor on Dec. 7, 1941. His first ship was sunk there. Two more ships he was on during the war were sunk in the Pacific. I don't think he could ever let himself feel scared and he didn't want his son to be fearful. But I was, and I felt like I was a failure. I was never the son my father wanted. He wanted a man's man. I was far more comfortable with women.
In recent years, I have begun to accept that I am a fearful person. I don't like it, but I have stopped trying to change this fact about myself. It is not in my power to change. However, what is in my power to change is how I react to my fears.
I pray for courage.
02 March 2011
Smarter than a Fifth Grader
"Intellect takes us along in the battle of life to a certain limit but at the crucial moment it fails us. Faith transcends reason. It is when the horizon is the darkest and human reason is beaten down to the ground that faith shines brightest and comes to our rescue." Interview with Dr. John Mott, Young India, 21 Mar. 1929
Exactly which ape is closest to us evolutionarily is a question I am not well educated enough to answer, but that some ape is our evolutionary ancestor, I accept. Since I decided to believe in a higher power many, many years ago, I decided I wasn't going to believe in a God that played tricks, ergo, fossils are what they appear to be, evidence of life on this planet that is billions of years old, and evolution is the best theory for how humans got here. For me, it doesn't diminish the miracle of human life, but enhances it.
I believe we are descended from the apes. How smart is the average chimpanzee?
If apes are our nearest evolutionary ancestors, how bright can we be? 'Intellect takes us along in the battle of life to a certain limit,' and, for me anyway, that limit is a very, very short leash. I'm like a dog chained to a tree. Too often, I run around and around the tree shortening what little leash I have and then stand there howling and barking because I can't figure out how to unwrap myself.
I have struggled for years to fix my worst character defects. Plotting, planning, fighting, conniving, tricking myself into trying to do what I think is right and important, and the results have been utter failure.
When I let go and let God, my life changes for the better.
I can't.
God can.
I think I'll let God.
Exactly which ape is closest to us evolutionarily is a question I am not well educated enough to answer, but that some ape is our evolutionary ancestor, I accept. Since I decided to believe in a higher power many, many years ago, I decided I wasn't going to believe in a God that played tricks, ergo, fossils are what they appear to be, evidence of life on this planet that is billions of years old, and evolution is the best theory for how humans got here. For me, it doesn't diminish the miracle of human life, but enhances it.
I believe we are descended from the apes. How smart is the average chimpanzee?
If apes are our nearest evolutionary ancestors, how bright can we be? 'Intellect takes us along in the battle of life to a certain limit,' and, for me anyway, that limit is a very, very short leash. I'm like a dog chained to a tree. Too often, I run around and around the tree shortening what little leash I have and then stand there howling and barking because I can't figure out how to unwrap myself.
I have struggled for years to fix my worst character defects. Plotting, planning, fighting, conniving, tricking myself into trying to do what I think is right and important, and the results have been utter failure.
When I let go and let God, my life changes for the better.
I can't.
God can.
I think I'll let God.
01 March 2011
The Contribution of Non-Violence
"Dr. Mott: 'What do you consider to be the most valuable contribution that India can make to the progress of the world?
Gandhi: Non-Violence." - Interview with Dr. John Mott, Young India, 21 Mar. 1929
And what a valuable contribution it has been. Gaddafi condemned and sanctioned for killing peaceful civilians. The amazing video of the lone man standing up to the tanks in Tiananmen. Rosa Parks and lunch counters and the Edmund Pettus Bridge. Draft card burners. Labor unionists occupying the Wisconsin State Capital.
The list goes on and on.
And in my own life, my wife and I ride our bicycles for ten years and don't own a car. We decide to become foster parents. I write scripts and novels and poetry that emphasis non-violent methods for resolving problems. (They don't sell, but that's a whole different can of worms.)
I know in these blogs, I have often written about my failings (and they are legion), but there are many, many successes.
And that's why I started and continue this blog. It is one of my daily disciplines to help me remember what is important in my life today. I consider it prayer.
Gandhi: Non-Violence." - Interview with Dr. John Mott, Young India, 21 Mar. 1929
And what a valuable contribution it has been. Gaddafi condemned and sanctioned for killing peaceful civilians. The amazing video of the lone man standing up to the tanks in Tiananmen. Rosa Parks and lunch counters and the Edmund Pettus Bridge. Draft card burners. Labor unionists occupying the Wisconsin State Capital.
The list goes on and on.
And in my own life, my wife and I ride our bicycles for ten years and don't own a car. We decide to become foster parents. I write scripts and novels and poetry that emphasis non-violent methods for resolving problems. (They don't sell, but that's a whole different can of worms.)
I know in these blogs, I have often written about my failings (and they are legion), but there are many, many successes.
And that's why I started and continue this blog. It is one of my daily disciplines to help me remember what is important in my life today. I consider it prayer.
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