A friend wanted to know what I thought about the killing of Osama bin Laden .
I've had a theory for a long time that the next step in human evolution would not be physical but spiritual - homo spiritus. It's not a new idea.
Evolution is not revolution. In evolution the new live among the old. The new don't kill off the old, they simply live longer and have more successful progeny; successful in the biological sense.
I think this is why so many of us seek guidance and sustenance of a higher power. We want to evolve. Some of that seeking leads to evolutionary dead-ends. Forms of creation that become too twisted to survive.
I'm not advocating killing such creatures off. The thing about evolution is that we don't have to kill them off.
I don't know whether Osama was a failed step on the evolutionary road. I just hope he was.
I was also thinking about what kind of a little boy Osama was. How was he raised? Did his mother and father love and nurture him or was he raised by surrogates? Did he have friends? Did he get to play silly games?
I don't think hatred is natural. I think it is learned. We see those around us frightened. We see fear become anger. We see sustained, unresolved anger become hate.
And our fear becomes anger.
And our anger becomes hate.
And we kill what we hate.
Showing posts with label peace. Show all posts
Showing posts with label peace. Show all posts
09 May 2011
20 April 2011
Parenting Strangers, Grand Final - State Owned
They live in my house, but they're not my kids. They are owned by the State of Texas.
My wife and I are 'Professional Parents.' The state hires us to raise their kids.
We wanted a second or third grader. You know...young, cute, malleable, easy, sweet. We wanted a child without parents, a true orphan. Instead they gave us a really angry thirteen year old on heavy medication with a psycho-mother.
And we fell in love.
When a child first comes into your house, you have a couple of days to make sure its a fit. We knew almost immediately when this young lady entered our house that it was a fit. It was like we took one sniff and recognized that this was one of our own children who had been lost to us at birth. Maybe it was just because she was our first. We've never had this experience with any of the other young ladies that have come into our home.
We always come to love the kids in our home. We knew we would. It's just how we're built.
She's been with us for three years and will probably be with us until she graduates high school. Other young ladies have come and gone. Some for short periods, some for long. Some successful - in college. Some failures - handcuffs.
Right now, we have a young lady preparing to graduate high school and go on to college as well as our sixteen year old.
When you take a young person into your house as foster parents, they come with a lot of baggage. And not just the suit case and boxes and bags of stuff. Our lives are filled with judges and lawyers and case managers and case workers and therapists and mothers and siblings. We are inspected twice a month by the state to see that their children are all right. We get inspected by our case manager quarterly to make sure we are conforming to the law. We see two judges at least twice a year. They each visit their mothers semi-regularly. They both see a therapist at least twice a month. It can be a regular three ring circus.
And then there's the medications. Many places that take these kids use medication to control their behavior. Some need it. Many don't. And there's no one to help you figure it out.
It is the best thing we have ever done.
My wife and I are 'Professional Parents.' The state hires us to raise their kids.
We wanted a second or third grader. You know...young, cute, malleable, easy, sweet. We wanted a child without parents, a true orphan. Instead they gave us a really angry thirteen year old on heavy medication with a psycho-mother.
And we fell in love.
When a child first comes into your house, you have a couple of days to make sure its a fit. We knew almost immediately when this young lady entered our house that it was a fit. It was like we took one sniff and recognized that this was one of our own children who had been lost to us at birth. Maybe it was just because she was our first. We've never had this experience with any of the other young ladies that have come into our home.
We always come to love the kids in our home. We knew we would. It's just how we're built.
She's been with us for three years and will probably be with us until she graduates high school. Other young ladies have come and gone. Some for short periods, some for long. Some successful - in college. Some failures - handcuffs.
Right now, we have a young lady preparing to graduate high school and go on to college as well as our sixteen year old.
When you take a young person into your house as foster parents, they come with a lot of baggage. And not just the suit case and boxes and bags of stuff. Our lives are filled with judges and lawyers and case managers and case workers and therapists and mothers and siblings. We are inspected twice a month by the state to see that their children are all right. We get inspected by our case manager quarterly to make sure we are conforming to the law. We see two judges at least twice a year. They each visit their mothers semi-regularly. They both see a therapist at least twice a month. It can be a regular three ring circus.
And then there's the medications. Many places that take these kids use medication to control their behavior. Some need it. Many don't. And there's no one to help you figure it out.
It is the best thing we have ever done.
19 April 2011
Parenting Strangers, part 2 - Thugs & Gangsters
First, a fact - better than 30% of the kids that enter high school do not graduate. It's been that way for a long time.
In the early 90's, I took a job with the City in a youth program that didn't yet exist. The idea was simple. Hire kids who had dropped out, were on probation or parole, and give them a job and teach them primary job skills.
Primary job skills are the stuff most of us understand without being taught; how to show up, how to show up on time, how to dress appropriately, how to take instruction from a supervisor, etc. Stuff we learned because our parents cared enough to send us to school everyday, on time, looking nice, and then asked us in the evening how school went and whether or not we had any homework. Stuff we learned because our parents had jobs.
We hired four kids and we were lucky. The first four were bright and wanted a chance to do something with their lives. They all had rap-sheets as long as your arm and had spent considerable time in juvenile detention. One of them was arrested and sent to prison along with a couple of his buddies for carjacking and killing an old man after he'd been with us for about six months. The other three had jobs, one was married, and they were doing well last time I checked.
My job was to take out a work crew and mow all the Fire Department properties in the city. It's a big city. There are a lot of Fire Stations ranging in size from half an acre to twenty acres. That first year was a challenge. I lead by example.
The program was a success. After a year, we hired more leaders and more kids and took on new jobs.
The City Management was confused. We were successful, i.e., our kids stayed out of jail when they were with us and for long afterwords and organization from all over the country were surprised and envious of our success. But the liability of having large numbers of thugs and gangsters on the city payroll was a strain on their tolerance.
I loved the kids. But the City Management was horrible. So bad, I finally quit in the year 2000.
There were other factors; personal issues and a desire to write.
In the early 90's, I took a job with the City in a youth program that didn't yet exist. The idea was simple. Hire kids who had dropped out, were on probation or parole, and give them a job and teach them primary job skills.
Primary job skills are the stuff most of us understand without being taught; how to show up, how to show up on time, how to dress appropriately, how to take instruction from a supervisor, etc. Stuff we learned because our parents cared enough to send us to school everyday, on time, looking nice, and then asked us in the evening how school went and whether or not we had any homework. Stuff we learned because our parents had jobs.
We hired four kids and we were lucky. The first four were bright and wanted a chance to do something with their lives. They all had rap-sheets as long as your arm and had spent considerable time in juvenile detention. One of them was arrested and sent to prison along with a couple of his buddies for carjacking and killing an old man after he'd been with us for about six months. The other three had jobs, one was married, and they were doing well last time I checked.
My job was to take out a work crew and mow all the Fire Department properties in the city. It's a big city. There are a lot of Fire Stations ranging in size from half an acre to twenty acres. That first year was a challenge. I lead by example.
The program was a success. After a year, we hired more leaders and more kids and took on new jobs.
The City Management was confused. We were successful, i.e., our kids stayed out of jail when they were with us and for long afterwords and organization from all over the country were surprised and envious of our success. But the liability of having large numbers of thugs and gangsters on the city payroll was a strain on their tolerance.
I loved the kids. But the City Management was horrible. So bad, I finally quit in the year 2000.
There were other factors; personal issues and a desire to write.
15 April 2011
Parenting Strangers, part 1 - The Early Years
I began working with children shortly after my 10-month old son died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome in 1982. I was attending the University of Texas after 4 years in the Air Force. I came home one afternoon and got a phone call that my son was in the hospital. By the time I got there, he was pronounced dead.
A few months later, a friend at the Episcopalian/Anglican church we were attending asked if I wanted to teach a Sunday School Class of second graders. I don't know why I said yes. I had volunteered in Headstart during college and the experience was wonderful, and I loved being a Sunday School teacher.
Normally, I am a shy and reclusive person, but in front of a group of children, I am transformed into an outgoing, silly person. I loved that me.
After several years of teaching Sunday School, a voice inside me (I think it was God) began to nudge me toward working with teenagers. I was frightened, but I gave it a try as a volunteer with the youth group at my church. I love the earnestness of teenagers. I love the struggle they have to become individuals, to discover their own unique identity. I love their passion.
And I discovered an honesty in myself that was lacking. To reach teenagers, I had to dig deep into myself. Some of what I found, I didn't like and it took me years to dredge that filth up into the light and let go of it.
I also discovered a wacky sense of humor to which teenagers responded. A line from W.C. Fields always runs through my head. "You take life too seriously. I was only trying to guess your weight." Because teenagers are earnest in the extreme. So many teens think that every little thing in life has great depth and meaning. Life does have depth and meaning, but if I don't laugh, that only leaves crying and I don't cope well when I'm crying.
A few months later, a friend at the Episcopalian/Anglican church we were attending asked if I wanted to teach a Sunday School Class of second graders. I don't know why I said yes. I had volunteered in Headstart during college and the experience was wonderful, and I loved being a Sunday School teacher.
Normally, I am a shy and reclusive person, but in front of a group of children, I am transformed into an outgoing, silly person. I loved that me.
After several years of teaching Sunday School, a voice inside me (I think it was God) began to nudge me toward working with teenagers. I was frightened, but I gave it a try as a volunteer with the youth group at my church. I love the earnestness of teenagers. I love the struggle they have to become individuals, to discover their own unique identity. I love their passion.
And I discovered an honesty in myself that was lacking. To reach teenagers, I had to dig deep into myself. Some of what I found, I didn't like and it took me years to dredge that filth up into the light and let go of it.
I also discovered a wacky sense of humor to which teenagers responded. A line from W.C. Fields always runs through my head. "You take life too seriously. I was only trying to guess your weight." Because teenagers are earnest in the extreme. So many teens think that every little thing in life has great depth and meaning. Life does have depth and meaning, but if I don't laugh, that only leaves crying and I don't cope well when I'm crying.
11 April 2011
Duck and Cover II
"I must not contemplate darkness before it stares me in the face. And in no case can I be party, irrespective of non-violence, to a universal strike and capture of power. Though, therefore, I do not know what I should do in the case of a breakdown, I know that the actuality will find me ready with an alternative. My sole reliance being on the living Power which we call God, He will put the alternative in my hands when the time has come, not a minute sooner." - 'Independence,' Harijan, 28 July 1946 (from The Essential Writings of Mahatma Gandhi edited by Raghavan Iyer)
Since my first air raid drill when I was seven, 1962, ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_tKAg5KIuQ), I have contemplated darkness. Even a seven year old knew that nuclear war would be apocalyptic.
By the age of seventeen, I didn't believe I would live to be thirty. Someone would use 'the bomb.' And not just one bomb, but lots and lots and lots of bombs.
Miracles happen. 'The bomb' has never been used...so far.
In this country (USA), politicians talk about the 'third rail' of politics (the 'third rail' refers to a dangerous, not-to-be-touched, train rail between the two main rails that provides electricity for subway systems and the like). By that they mean the government provided social safety net that prevents the elderly, the disabled, and children from starving to death or dying from disease.
My country still has thousands of nuclear bombs buried in corn fields in Kansas. Still has them deep under the oceans in submarines. Still keeps them loaded on airplanes that are flying at the edge of the go/no-go line. No one ever talks about the fact that this country is still prepared to destroy the planet on a moments notice.
This is not the third rail of American politics. This is buried in our backyard.
There I go again, contemplating darkness.
Miracles happen.
I believe with Gandhi, that God will put alternatives in our hands and until then, I must learn to hope and I must work for peace.
Since my first air raid drill when I was seven, 1962, ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_tKAg5KIuQ), I have contemplated darkness. Even a seven year old knew that nuclear war would be apocalyptic.
By the age of seventeen, I didn't believe I would live to be thirty. Someone would use 'the bomb.' And not just one bomb, but lots and lots and lots of bombs.
Miracles happen. 'The bomb' has never been used...so far.
In this country (USA), politicians talk about the 'third rail' of politics (the 'third rail' refers to a dangerous, not-to-be-touched, train rail between the two main rails that provides electricity for subway systems and the like). By that they mean the government provided social safety net that prevents the elderly, the disabled, and children from starving to death or dying from disease.
My country still has thousands of nuclear bombs buried in corn fields in Kansas. Still has them deep under the oceans in submarines. Still keeps them loaded on airplanes that are flying at the edge of the go/no-go line. No one ever talks about the fact that this country is still prepared to destroy the planet on a moments notice.
This is not the third rail of American politics. This is buried in our backyard.
There I go again, contemplating darkness.
Miracles happen.
I believe with Gandhi, that God will put alternatives in our hands and until then, I must learn to hope and I must work for peace.
07 April 2011
Vote
"The country does need politicians." - 'Advice to Constructive Workers' (G.), Biharni Komi Agman, pp. 346-7 (from The Essential Writings of Mahatma Gandhi edited by Raghavan Iyer)
I vote. I think it is a citizen's duty to vote.
Many in my country who voted for Barack Obama have been disappointed. I am not one of those. I voted for Obama and he is exactly what I expected, a politician. I hoped he would be something different, but I did not expect it, and so I am not disappointed.
Rarely in history has voting changed anything. And when voting has changed things, more often than not, it has been a change for the worse.
Sounds cynical, I know, and perhaps it is, but reliance on someone else to change things, rather than being the change I want to see, doesn't seem sensible.
I was familiar with civil disobedience and non-cooperation from the civil rights protests in my country in the sixties, but it was Gandhi's ideas about the Constructive Programme that struck me as truly revolutionary. It is the part of Gandhi's vision that my country does not really know or understand, and for me it is what can make real change a reality, right here and right now.
I vote. I think it is a citizen's duty to vote.
Many in my country who voted for Barack Obama have been disappointed. I am not one of those. I voted for Obama and he is exactly what I expected, a politician. I hoped he would be something different, but I did not expect it, and so I am not disappointed.
Rarely in history has voting changed anything. And when voting has changed things, more often than not, it has been a change for the worse.
Sounds cynical, I know, and perhaps it is, but reliance on someone else to change things, rather than being the change I want to see, doesn't seem sensible.
I was familiar with civil disobedience and non-cooperation from the civil rights protests in my country in the sixties, but it was Gandhi's ideas about the Constructive Programme that struck me as truly revolutionary. It is the part of Gandhi's vision that my country does not really know or understand, and for me it is what can make real change a reality, right here and right now.
28 March 2011
Neighbors as Ourselves
"In this Ashram, we make it a rule that we must say 'No' when we mean 'No', regardless of consequences." - Speech on 'Ashram Vows' at the YMCA, Madras, Indian Review, February 1916, The Hindu, 16 Feb. 1916 (from The Essential Writings of Mahatma Gandhi edited by Raghavan Iyer)
My efforts at lobbying in support of the abused, neglected, and orphaned children in the state of Texas continued this morning.
After my disappointing and disheartening trip to the State Capitol last week, to talk to my local representative about the upcoming budget for these children, I wrote an email to the representative describing my position and my experience in her office. A return email from a staffer requested my telephone number so that she could speak with me about my experience and about the representatives support for the children of the state. I sent my number, but included that there was no need to call. That I did in fact understand what role the representative played in writing budgets and that the representative could still count on my support (which she can. Her opponents have made this state last among states in spending for children.)
She called this morning. I was polite. I was understanding. I was respectful. I'm afraid that what I was not was truthful. I'm afraid I let politeness smother the truth as I understand it.
What my representative agreed to in the budget will be a greater hardship for the children already suffering trauma.
I know that there are people in the world who would see the 'hardship' of my state as a huge step forward for their children. Their children lack food and clean water and shelter. Their lives are torn apart by disease and war.
I cannot reconcile these two worlds. I wish I could.
What I can do is speak for those being injured in my neighborhood.
But I must learn to lovingly speak the harsh truth and not hide the truth behind a curtain of politeness.
My efforts at lobbying in support of the abused, neglected, and orphaned children in the state of Texas continued this morning.
After my disappointing and disheartening trip to the State Capitol last week, to talk to my local representative about the upcoming budget for these children, I wrote an email to the representative describing my position and my experience in her office. A return email from a staffer requested my telephone number so that she could speak with me about my experience and about the representatives support for the children of the state. I sent my number, but included that there was no need to call. That I did in fact understand what role the representative played in writing budgets and that the representative could still count on my support (which she can. Her opponents have made this state last among states in spending for children.)
She called this morning. I was polite. I was understanding. I was respectful. I'm afraid that what I was not was truthful. I'm afraid I let politeness smother the truth as I understand it.
What my representative agreed to in the budget will be a greater hardship for the children already suffering trauma.
I know that there are people in the world who would see the 'hardship' of my state as a huge step forward for their children. Their children lack food and clean water and shelter. Their lives are torn apart by disease and war.
I cannot reconcile these two worlds. I wish I could.
What I can do is speak for those being injured in my neighborhood.
But I must learn to lovingly speak the harsh truth and not hide the truth behind a curtain of politeness.
26 March 2011
"The End of the World as We Know It"
"I hold that he who invented the atom bomb has committed the gravest sin in the world of science. The only weapon that can save the world is non-violence. Considering the trend of the world, I might appear a fool to everyone; but I do not feel sorry for it. I rather consider it a great blessing that God did not make me capable of inventing the atom bomb." - Talk with Englishmen (G.), Biharni Komi Agman, pp. 253-4 (from The Essential Writings of Mahatma Gandhi edited by Raghavan Iyer)
I am not capable of inventing the atom bomb. I am, however, capable of loading an atom bomb on an airplane, strapping in the pilots, starting the engines, and taxiing the plane out of the bunker it was stored in, and I have done just that.
The birth of my biological daughter and son were paid for because I could do that. My home loan was cheaper and my loan was guaranteed because I could do that. My health insurance is paid for because I could do that. I can be buried in a hero's grave because I did that.
I have practiced the end of the world, many, many times.
At the time, I thought my motives were good. I was not a patriot protecting my country, I was a husband supporting his family.
I didn't think I had any other options at the time, and I am not ashamed that I made that choice.
But the sin is a heavy weight.
A heavy weight that has opened my eyes to what I believe to be the true path; non-violence.
I am not capable of inventing the atom bomb. I am, however, capable of loading an atom bomb on an airplane, strapping in the pilots, starting the engines, and taxiing the plane out of the bunker it was stored in, and I have done just that.
The birth of my biological daughter and son were paid for because I could do that. My home loan was cheaper and my loan was guaranteed because I could do that. My health insurance is paid for because I could do that. I can be buried in a hero's grave because I did that.
I have practiced the end of the world, many, many times.
At the time, I thought my motives were good. I was not a patriot protecting my country, I was a husband supporting his family.
I didn't think I had any other options at the time, and I am not ashamed that I made that choice.
But the sin is a heavy weight.
A heavy weight that has opened my eyes to what I believe to be the true path; non-violence.
25 March 2011
The Least of These
"Every sin is a form of violence."- 'Problem of Non-Violence,' Navajivan, 6 June 1926 (from The Essential Writings of Mahatma Gandhi edited by Raghavan Iyer)
I'm a foster parent.
My state, like many states, is having sever budget issues. Yesterday, I went to my State Capitol to rally and lobby to restore the funds cut from the proposed State Budget for the agency that oversees abused and neglected children. I won't bore you with the details, even if I fully understood them, but suffice it to say, that the proposed cuts would devastate a protection system that is already last in the country in helping children.
I was brushed off by my local state representative, one of the few liberals left in my state's government, and I found out that this representative was actually responsible for writing this section of the proposed budget. She defends the budget by saying how much worse it could be.
I sat down in the halls of government and watched, and prayed, and thought.
Everything in the Capitol Building is over-sized, gilded, hand carved and covered in leather. Twenty foot high ceilings and doors. Marble walls, columns, statuary. Enormous wooden door frames and stair railings. Huge paintings of the important battles for independence. Portraits of every Governor, many of whom have gone on to be President. And gold and bronze gilded everything. The place was designed for fifteen foot high humans who stride like gods through the halls.
I went out onto the grounds of the Capitol and found what the plaque said was a collection of six statues of school children created with funds donated by school children in 1993. "A Tribute to Texas School Children" the plaque was titled. Only four of the statues were there. The base for a fifth was still there, the sixth base was missing.
I wanted to cry.
The giants of the Texas Legislature and the school children of Texas.
"Every sin is a form of violence."
I'm a foster parent.
My state, like many states, is having sever budget issues. Yesterday, I went to my State Capitol to rally and lobby to restore the funds cut from the proposed State Budget for the agency that oversees abused and neglected children. I won't bore you with the details, even if I fully understood them, but suffice it to say, that the proposed cuts would devastate a protection system that is already last in the country in helping children.
I was brushed off by my local state representative, one of the few liberals left in my state's government, and I found out that this representative was actually responsible for writing this section of the proposed budget. She defends the budget by saying how much worse it could be.
I sat down in the halls of government and watched, and prayed, and thought.
Everything in the Capitol Building is over-sized, gilded, hand carved and covered in leather. Twenty foot high ceilings and doors. Marble walls, columns, statuary. Enormous wooden door frames and stair railings. Huge paintings of the important battles for independence. Portraits of every Governor, many of whom have gone on to be President. And gold and bronze gilded everything. The place was designed for fifteen foot high humans who stride like gods through the halls.
I went out onto the grounds of the Capitol and found what the plaque said was a collection of six statues of school children created with funds donated by school children in 1993. "A Tribute to Texas School Children" the plaque was titled. Only four of the statues were there. The base for a fifth was still there, the sixth base was missing.
I wanted to cry.
The giants of the Texas Legislature and the school children of Texas.
"Every sin is a form of violence."
23 March 2011
Right Here, Right Now
"Our non-violence has to begin at home with our children, elders, neighbours, and friends." - Fragment of a Letter to Abdul Ghaffar Khan, Harijan, 18 Jan 1942 (from The Essential Writings of Mahatma Gandhi edited by Raghavan Iyer)
I dream, I pray, for non-violence in far away lands. I practice non-violence in my front yard.
I live on a neighborhood street that is used to reach the local high school and other streets that lead out into the city. I spend time in my front yard greeting strangers and neighbors who pass by and I plant shrubbery and trees along the edge of the street to narrow the lanes and slow the speeding traffic.
I compost.
I recycle anything and everything that I can.
I live in a semi-arid land. I dig up the plants that are water hogs, e.g. my lawn, and I plant native plants.
I ride my bicycle to the store.
I have two beautiful foster daughters. Tomorrow, I will visit my locally elected representatives at the state capitol to lobby for continued support for abused and orphaned children as the legislators consider cuts to the budget.
I have an ever expanding garden to grow as much of my food as I can.
I buy local, organic fruits and vegetables whenever it is available.
It's a small start. There is much more that I could do, but I am still at the beginning of this journey.
I dream, I pray, for non-violence in far away lands. I practice non-violence in my front yard.
I live on a neighborhood street that is used to reach the local high school and other streets that lead out into the city. I spend time in my front yard greeting strangers and neighbors who pass by and I plant shrubbery and trees along the edge of the street to narrow the lanes and slow the speeding traffic.
I compost.
I recycle anything and everything that I can.
I live in a semi-arid land. I dig up the plants that are water hogs, e.g. my lawn, and I plant native plants.
I ride my bicycle to the store.
I have two beautiful foster daughters. Tomorrow, I will visit my locally elected representatives at the state capitol to lobby for continued support for abused and orphaned children as the legislators consider cuts to the budget.
I have an ever expanding garden to grow as much of my food as I can.
I buy local, organic fruits and vegetables whenever it is available.
It's a small start. There is much more that I could do, but I am still at the beginning of this journey.
22 March 2011
Self-Purification
"Non-violence implies as complete self-purification as is humanly possible." - "The Greatest Force," Harijan, 12 Oct. 1935 (from The Essential Writings of Mahatma Gandhi edited by Raghavan Iyer)
I struggle with Gandhi's often puritanical approach to non-violence. I want to be a better person. I want to eliminate violence from my life. I believe in prayer and spiritual growth, but I am not seeking moksha, spiritual release from the cycle of death and reincarnation. I do not have Gandhi's understanding of what happens after death. I'm not sure what happens after death. And I certainly don't want the success or failure of non-violence in the world even slightly dependent on how close to perfection I come. I am, and I'm afraid I will always be, far, far from perfection.
I believe in a God that can redeem the mistakes I make and the awful tragedies that happen in the world. Karma, actions and deeds that shape past, present and future events, is not a part of what I believe.
I don't want to be purified. I'm happy being a muddled human being, fumbling my way through life, trusting that God will take my humble offerings and do something miraculous. I trust God will do this, because I have seen God do this in the past, and not just in my life, but in the lives of friends and relatives and strangers.
This is not an excuse for laziness or lack of effort or not working on personal growth or any other failure to do whatever it is in my power to do that can help change the world, but I trust that the feebleness of my efforts will not keep God from taking them and multiplying them a thousand fold or ten thousand fold.
I may be wrong. I will certainly keep asking God to help me overcome my defects of character, my greed, my sloth, my lust, my gluttony, etc., and perhaps God will work miracles in me. I don't believe that God needs my help, I think God wants my help and that's why God created me as I am, foibles and all.
I struggle with Gandhi's often puritanical approach to non-violence. I want to be a better person. I want to eliminate violence from my life. I believe in prayer and spiritual growth, but I am not seeking moksha, spiritual release from the cycle of death and reincarnation. I do not have Gandhi's understanding of what happens after death. I'm not sure what happens after death. And I certainly don't want the success or failure of non-violence in the world even slightly dependent on how close to perfection I come. I am, and I'm afraid I will always be, far, far from perfection.
I believe in a God that can redeem the mistakes I make and the awful tragedies that happen in the world. Karma, actions and deeds that shape past, present and future events, is not a part of what I believe.
I don't want to be purified. I'm happy being a muddled human being, fumbling my way through life, trusting that God will take my humble offerings and do something miraculous. I trust God will do this, because I have seen God do this in the past, and not just in my life, but in the lives of friends and relatives and strangers.
This is not an excuse for laziness or lack of effort or not working on personal growth or any other failure to do whatever it is in my power to do that can help change the world, but I trust that the feebleness of my efforts will not keep God from taking them and multiplying them a thousand fold or ten thousand fold.
I may be wrong. I will certainly keep asking God to help me overcome my defects of character, my greed, my sloth, my lust, my gluttony, etc., and perhaps God will work miracles in me. I don't believe that God needs my help, I think God wants my help and that's why God created me as I am, foibles and all.
21 March 2011
Fear & Love
"Fear and love are contradictory terms. Love is reckless in giving away, oblivious as to what it gets in return. Love wrestles with the world as with itself and ultimately gains a mastery over all other feelings." - 'From S.S. Rajputana-III' (Letter from M.D.)*, Young India, 1 Oct. 1931 (from The Essential Writings of Mahatma Gandhi edited by Raghavan Iyer)
Fear, I understand. I am a very fearful person and have always been so from my earliest memories. My father used to tell me that there was nothing to be afraid of. This did not help. It only made me feel bad about myself for being weak.
Today, I still have many fears. I fear financial insecurity, even though I have more than enough money. I fear old age and poor health. I fear losing my wife. I fear losing my daughters, biological and foster. I fear strangers. The list goes on and on.
But I have also begun to learn love. I started to learn in my late teens when I decided that for me the most important thing in the universe were children. Much of my adult life has been spent sharing my life with children. This brings me great joy and great sorrow, but mostly great love. I don't know that I have helped any of them, but I know that they have helped me.
It was this love that brought me to non-violence. It takes but a glance at history to see that the greatest victims of violence and greed have always been children. Followed closely, I might add, by the victimization of women.
A world of non-violence, a world of love, would be a world where the least among us would be raised up as the most important and most valued.
* Mahadev Desai published the above extract from a discours given by Gandhi at the evening prayer, during his voyage to London.
Fear, I understand. I am a very fearful person and have always been so from my earliest memories. My father used to tell me that there was nothing to be afraid of. This did not help. It only made me feel bad about myself for being weak.
Today, I still have many fears. I fear financial insecurity, even though I have more than enough money. I fear old age and poor health. I fear losing my wife. I fear losing my daughters, biological and foster. I fear strangers. The list goes on and on.
But I have also begun to learn love. I started to learn in my late teens when I decided that for me the most important thing in the universe were children. Much of my adult life has been spent sharing my life with children. This brings me great joy and great sorrow, but mostly great love. I don't know that I have helped any of them, but I know that they have helped me.
It was this love that brought me to non-violence. It takes but a glance at history to see that the greatest victims of violence and greed have always been children. Followed closely, I might add, by the victimization of women.
A world of non-violence, a world of love, would be a world where the least among us would be raised up as the most important and most valued.
* Mahadev Desai published the above extract from a discours given by Gandhi at the evening prayer, during his voyage to London.
18 March 2011
Prayer vs. Protest
"The cry for peace will be a cry in the wilderness, so long as the spirit of non-violence does not dominate millions of men and women." - 'Non-Violence -- The Greatest Force,' The Hindu, 8 Nov. 1926 (from The Essential Writings of Mahatma Gandhi edit by Raghavan Iyer)
In past weeks, the United States saw large protests from teachers, government workers, and concerned Americans about workers rights to organize and bargain and the slashing of government budgets leading to massive lay-offs of government workers. I participated in one of these protests in my state, Texas, in support of teachers in Wisconsin.
I left this protests, and most of the protests I have ever participated in, feeling empty and sad. I know that I am not the only one who left feeling this way. I spoke to friends who were there. I don't think this is how people should feel when they leave an event like this. There should be energy and excitement. There should be community and hope.
When I read the above essay, I began to understand why I feel this way.
The tactics of non-violence, have become widespread in this country. The spirit of non-violence abides in almost no one.
I have read a number of Dr. Martin Luther King's speeches. I have read John Lewis' book "Walking with the Wind." I have read many more books about non-violence, and yet, I forget that non-violence is not a set of techniques for getting what I want. It is a way of life. A way of being. It is heart and soul and not hand, foot, and tongue.
Prayer is more important than protest.
In past weeks, the United States saw large protests from teachers, government workers, and concerned Americans about workers rights to organize and bargain and the slashing of government budgets leading to massive lay-offs of government workers. I participated in one of these protests in my state, Texas, in support of teachers in Wisconsin.
I left this protests, and most of the protests I have ever participated in, feeling empty and sad. I know that I am not the only one who left feeling this way. I spoke to friends who were there. I don't think this is how people should feel when they leave an event like this. There should be energy and excitement. There should be community and hope.
When I read the above essay, I began to understand why I feel this way.
The tactics of non-violence, have become widespread in this country. The spirit of non-violence abides in almost no one.
I have read a number of Dr. Martin Luther King's speeches. I have read John Lewis' book "Walking with the Wind." I have read many more books about non-violence, and yet, I forget that non-violence is not a set of techniques for getting what I want. It is a way of life. A way of being. It is heart and soul and not hand, foot, and tongue.
Prayer is more important than protest.
17 March 2011
Libya & Egypt
"Non-violence is the law of our species as violence is the law of the brute. The spirit lies dormant in the brute and he knows no law but that of physical might. The dignity of man requires obedience to a higher law - to the strength of the spirit." - 'The Doctrine of the Sword', Young India, 11 Aug. 1920 (from The Essential Writings of Mahatma Gandhi edited by Raghavan Iyer)
It is with sadness but no surprise that I watch the brief civil uprising in Libya crumble. When the 'protesters' became 'rebels,' the end was in sight. Gadhafi could claim that he was not killing 'civilians' but 'armed insurgents,' and there is enough truth in that to stymie those who would lend aid.
In Egypt, the protesters struggled with how to react to violence from the government. We watched them struggle and we watched them choose non-violence. This choice opened the heart of the world to the Egyptian people.
The situation in Libya is undoubtedly very different from Egypt. I am certain that many, many unarmed, peaceful people would have died in Libya before Gadhafi gave up power. But many people have still died and many more will die. And which ever side in this civil war wins, my heart will go out to the victims of the fighting on both sides, the women and children caught in the middle, and not the victors. My spirit does not go out to the armed men on either side.
The spirit of humanity versus the spirit of the brute.
It is with sadness but no surprise that I watch the brief civil uprising in Libya crumble. When the 'protesters' became 'rebels,' the end was in sight. Gadhafi could claim that he was not killing 'civilians' but 'armed insurgents,' and there is enough truth in that to stymie those who would lend aid.
In Egypt, the protesters struggled with how to react to violence from the government. We watched them struggle and we watched them choose non-violence. This choice opened the heart of the world to the Egyptian people.
The situation in Libya is undoubtedly very different from Egypt. I am certain that many, many unarmed, peaceful people would have died in Libya before Gadhafi gave up power. But many people have still died and many more will die. And which ever side in this civil war wins, my heart will go out to the victims of the fighting on both sides, the women and children caught in the middle, and not the victors. My spirit does not go out to the armed men on either side.
The spirit of humanity versus the spirit of the brute.
13 March 2011
Faster than a Speeding Bullet
"True humility means most strenuous and constant endeavour entirely directed towards the service of humanity." - Letter to Narandas Gandhi (G.), MMU/I, October 7, 1930
I don't know how to respond to the images on TV of the earthquake and tsunami in Japan. I can give money and I may, and every little bit helps, but I want to be on the ground helping rebuild and that is not possible.
My duties are here with my family and my foster daughters and the struggles in my community to keep the government assisting minorities and the poor.
But these duties seem so mundane.
I dream of taking food and water to the people who's lives have been devastated by natural disaster. I fantasize about being on the front lines of the nonviolent protests in the Middle East. I want to help the children in Africa or India who have no food or clean water or shelter.
But this is not what God has called me to do. God has given me a wife who writes grants for non-profit organizations to help the poor and minorities. God has given me teenage girls who's parents have abandoned them. God has given me a state government, Texas, USA, that is at the bottom in the way it takes care of its children.
And when I remember that I am not a superhero in tights and a cape, what God has called me to do seems very important.
I pray for the people of Japan.
I don't know how to respond to the images on TV of the earthquake and tsunami in Japan. I can give money and I may, and every little bit helps, but I want to be on the ground helping rebuild and that is not possible.
My duties are here with my family and my foster daughters and the struggles in my community to keep the government assisting minorities and the poor.
But these duties seem so mundane.
I dream of taking food and water to the people who's lives have been devastated by natural disaster. I fantasize about being on the front lines of the nonviolent protests in the Middle East. I want to help the children in Africa or India who have no food or clean water or shelter.
But this is not what God has called me to do. God has given me a wife who writes grants for non-profit organizations to help the poor and minorities. God has given me teenage girls who's parents have abandoned them. God has given me a state government, Texas, USA, that is at the bottom in the way it takes care of its children.
And when I remember that I am not a superhero in tights and a cape, what God has called me to do seems very important.
I pray for the people of Japan.
09 March 2011
The Great Undertaking
"I have undertaken to reform a single person, and that is my own self. And I realize how difficult it is to reform him." - A Letter to Adamsaleh A. Patel (G.), SN 19901, April 14, 1926
What can I add?
Amen.
What can I add?
Amen.
08 March 2011
"I Ever Compromise My Own Ideals"
"Achara means the outward mode of living and it can change from time to time. The rules of inner living must remain the same; that is, one should cling to truth, ahimsa, etc. In trying to follow them, we may change the rules of outward mode of living whenever necessary." A Letter (G.), Mahadevbhaini Diary, Vol. I, p. 364
When I first read Gandhi many years ago, one of the first changes I made was to give up my car and begin riding my bicycle for transportation. I felt then, and I still feel today, that in the United States, transportation by automobile is a form of violence. We fight wars for oil for our cars. Tens of thousands are killed on our highways, and hundreds of thousands are injured annually. Our transportation system sub-divides neighbor from neighbor with dead zones of blacktop. Money that could be spent helping the least among us is spent paving paradise and chrome plates our lives. More can be added to the list.
For ten years my wife and I lived without a car. We cycled everywhere we went. To choose this life in an American city means sacrifices. Our daily lives were circumscribed by our limited method of transportation. We were happy with these limits for many years.
And then my life turned in a different direction. My daughter found out she had a medical condition that precluded her from having children. For many years I have worked with teenagers. The prospect of no grandchildren made us rethink our lives. We decided to become foster parents. Teenage girls began to come and live in our home. The foster care system requires trips to family court, to doctors, to therapists, to various and sundry meetings most of which were not in our city, and teenage girls have needs for social lives that are not local. Being without a car was no longer an option.
We own two now. The truth of sharing our home with children without homes has supplanted the truth of not owning a car. I still try and ride my bicycle to the local store and any nearby meetings, but my life now revolves around my girls and not my transportation.
Do I have mixed feelings about this? Of course, but I am comfortable in this decision. It's not perfect. I have had to compromise, but I can live with the compromise.
When I first read Gandhi many years ago, one of the first changes I made was to give up my car and begin riding my bicycle for transportation. I felt then, and I still feel today, that in the United States, transportation by automobile is a form of violence. We fight wars for oil for our cars. Tens of thousands are killed on our highways, and hundreds of thousands are injured annually. Our transportation system sub-divides neighbor from neighbor with dead zones of blacktop. Money that could be spent helping the least among us is spent paving paradise and chrome plates our lives. More can be added to the list.
For ten years my wife and I lived without a car. We cycled everywhere we went. To choose this life in an American city means sacrifices. Our daily lives were circumscribed by our limited method of transportation. We were happy with these limits for many years.
And then my life turned in a different direction. My daughter found out she had a medical condition that precluded her from having children. For many years I have worked with teenagers. The prospect of no grandchildren made us rethink our lives. We decided to become foster parents. Teenage girls began to come and live in our home. The foster care system requires trips to family court, to doctors, to therapists, to various and sundry meetings most of which were not in our city, and teenage girls have needs for social lives that are not local. Being without a car was no longer an option.
We own two now. The truth of sharing our home with children without homes has supplanted the truth of not owning a car. I still try and ride my bicycle to the local store and any nearby meetings, but my life now revolves around my girls and not my transportation.
Do I have mixed feelings about this? Of course, but I am comfortable in this decision. It's not perfect. I have had to compromise, but I can live with the compromise.
07 March 2011
Gratitude List
"It is our actions which count. Thoughts, however good in themselves, are like false pearls unless they are translated into action." A Letter (G.), Mahadevbhaini Diary, Vol. II, p. 15
I am basically a lazy person. I love television and computer games. As a writer, I can delude myself into thinking I am 'doing something' when actually all that I am accomplishing is wasting time.
I'm not even sure that little projects like this blog count as 'doing something,' even though I pat myself on the back every time I post and tick off as something accomplished on my to-do list.
When I am 'doing something,' I often feeling as though I am flailing about. "When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream, and shout."
But then I stop and count my blessing, make a gratitude list:
And I am inspired to get back to work.
I am basically a lazy person. I love television and computer games. As a writer, I can delude myself into thinking I am 'doing something' when actually all that I am accomplishing is wasting time.
I'm not even sure that little projects like this blog count as 'doing something,' even though I pat myself on the back every time I post and tick off as something accomplished on my to-do list.
When I am 'doing something,' I often feeling as though I am flailing about. "When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream, and shout."
But then I stop and count my blessing, make a gratitude list:
- My family and I are healthy.
- There is food in the refrigerator.
- There is a roof over our head.
- There is more than enough money.
- I have people who love me.
- I have friends who like me.
- I have more than enough work to keep me busy even if I don't always know exactly what my priorities are.
- I live in country where I am not persecuted for what I believe or what I say or how I dress or much of anything that isn't destructive or harmful.
- I have happy memories and little mementos that remind me of many of those memories.
- I have leisure time to study or meditate or just relax.
And I am inspired to get back to work.
06 March 2011
Progress not Perfection
"Faith is not a thing to grasp, it is a state to grow to. And growth comes from within." - A Letter, Mahadev Desai's Diary (MSS), 3 May 1935
I am not a deep spiritual person. My mother used to say, "Deep down inside, I'm really very shallow," and I believe that describes me. I don't have strong convictions and even though I pray regularly and meditate often, I rarely feel in touch with the Great Spirit, a power greater than myself, God, the creator, or whatever of the thousand names you prefer.
And I don't worry about that. I know that my feelings are all on the inside and have nothing to do with what's really going on in the universe (and by universe, I do not mean what physicists mean by 'universe.' I mean everything, whatever that means.)
My feelings are not what are important. My actions are what are important. "Simplicity, service, living so as not to hurt others," to quote Gandhi.
I try and practice a simple faith by doing what other spiritual people do and I leave the outcome up to God.
I am not a deep spiritual person. My mother used to say, "Deep down inside, I'm really very shallow," and I believe that describes me. I don't have strong convictions and even though I pray regularly and meditate often, I rarely feel in touch with the Great Spirit, a power greater than myself, God, the creator, or whatever of the thousand names you prefer.
And I don't worry about that. I know that my feelings are all on the inside and have nothing to do with what's really going on in the universe (and by universe, I do not mean what physicists mean by 'universe.' I mean everything, whatever that means.)
My feelings are not what are important. My actions are what are important. "Simplicity, service, living so as not to hurt others," to quote Gandhi.
I try and practice a simple faith by doing what other spiritual people do and I leave the outcome up to God.
03 March 2011
A Quack like Me
"The optimist lives delighting in thoughts of love and charity...The pessimist, being himself prey to violent attachments and dislikes, looks upon every person as his enemy..." - 'Optimism' (G.), Navajivan, 23 Oct 1921
My wife has told me often over the years that when ever we talk about the future, I always see the bad things that can happen and never the good, and I believe she is telling me the truth.. It is a hard thing for me to hear.
I want to believe that I am an optimist, but that is not the truth. I live in fear. I seem to have been that way as long as I can remember.
When I was a boy and would tell my father that I was afraid, he would look at me sternly and tell me there was nothing to be afraid of.
My father had a difficult upbringing. His mother was married either seven or nine times, he wasn't sure which. At the age of sixteen, he beat up his then current step-father and went to live in the oil fields of California with his real father, working for him on his wild-cat oil rigs. At seventeen, he joined the Navy and was in port in Pearl Harbor on Dec. 7, 1941. His first ship was sunk there. Two more ships he was on during the war were sunk in the Pacific. I don't think he could ever let himself feel scared and he didn't want his son to be fearful. But I was, and I felt like I was a failure. I was never the son my father wanted. He wanted a man's man. I was far more comfortable with women.
In recent years, I have begun to accept that I am a fearful person. I don't like it, but I have stopped trying to change this fact about myself. It is not in my power to change. However, what is in my power to change is how I react to my fears.
I pray for courage.
My wife has told me often over the years that when ever we talk about the future, I always see the bad things that can happen and never the good, and I believe she is telling me the truth.. It is a hard thing for me to hear.
I want to believe that I am an optimist, but that is not the truth. I live in fear. I seem to have been that way as long as I can remember.
When I was a boy and would tell my father that I was afraid, he would look at me sternly and tell me there was nothing to be afraid of.
My father had a difficult upbringing. His mother was married either seven or nine times, he wasn't sure which. At the age of sixteen, he beat up his then current step-father and went to live in the oil fields of California with his real father, working for him on his wild-cat oil rigs. At seventeen, he joined the Navy and was in port in Pearl Harbor on Dec. 7, 1941. His first ship was sunk there. Two more ships he was on during the war were sunk in the Pacific. I don't think he could ever let himself feel scared and he didn't want his son to be fearful. But I was, and I felt like I was a failure. I was never the son my father wanted. He wanted a man's man. I was far more comfortable with women.
In recent years, I have begun to accept that I am a fearful person. I don't like it, but I have stopped trying to change this fact about myself. It is not in my power to change. However, what is in my power to change is how I react to my fears.
I pray for courage.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)