They live in my house, but they're not my kids. They are owned by the State of Texas.
My wife and I are 'Professional Parents.' The state hires us to raise their kids.
We wanted a second or third grader. You know...young, cute, malleable, easy, sweet. We wanted a child without parents, a true orphan. Instead they gave us a really angry thirteen year old on heavy medication with a psycho-mother.
And we fell in love.
When a child first comes into your house, you have a couple of days to make sure its a fit. We knew almost immediately when this young lady entered our house that it was a fit. It was like we took one sniff and recognized that this was one of our own children who had been lost to us at birth. Maybe it was just because she was our first. We've never had this experience with any of the other young ladies that have come into our home.
We always come to love the kids in our home. We knew we would. It's just how we're built.
She's been with us for three years and will probably be with us until she graduates high school. Other young ladies have come and gone. Some for short periods, some for long. Some successful - in college. Some failures - handcuffs.
Right now, we have a young lady preparing to graduate high school and go on to college as well as our sixteen year old.
When you take a young person into your house as foster parents, they come with a lot of baggage. And not just the suit case and boxes and bags of stuff. Our lives are filled with judges and lawyers and case managers and case workers and therapists and mothers and siblings. We are inspected twice a month by the state to see that their children are all right. We get inspected by our case manager quarterly to make sure we are conforming to the law. We see two judges at least twice a year. They each visit their mothers semi-regularly. They both see a therapist at least twice a month. It can be a regular three ring circus.
And then there's the medications. Many places that take these kids use medication to control their behavior. Some need it. Many don't. And there's no one to help you figure it out.
It is the best thing we have ever done.
Showing posts with label prayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label prayer. Show all posts
20 April 2011
25 March 2011
The Least of These
"Every sin is a form of violence."- 'Problem of Non-Violence,' Navajivan, 6 June 1926 (from The Essential Writings of Mahatma Gandhi edited by Raghavan Iyer)
I'm a foster parent.
My state, like many states, is having sever budget issues. Yesterday, I went to my State Capitol to rally and lobby to restore the funds cut from the proposed State Budget for the agency that oversees abused and neglected children. I won't bore you with the details, even if I fully understood them, but suffice it to say, that the proposed cuts would devastate a protection system that is already last in the country in helping children.
I was brushed off by my local state representative, one of the few liberals left in my state's government, and I found out that this representative was actually responsible for writing this section of the proposed budget. She defends the budget by saying how much worse it could be.
I sat down in the halls of government and watched, and prayed, and thought.
Everything in the Capitol Building is over-sized, gilded, hand carved and covered in leather. Twenty foot high ceilings and doors. Marble walls, columns, statuary. Enormous wooden door frames and stair railings. Huge paintings of the important battles for independence. Portraits of every Governor, many of whom have gone on to be President. And gold and bronze gilded everything. The place was designed for fifteen foot high humans who stride like gods through the halls.
I went out onto the grounds of the Capitol and found what the plaque said was a collection of six statues of school children created with funds donated by school children in 1993. "A Tribute to Texas School Children" the plaque was titled. Only four of the statues were there. The base for a fifth was still there, the sixth base was missing.
I wanted to cry.
The giants of the Texas Legislature and the school children of Texas.
"Every sin is a form of violence."
I'm a foster parent.
My state, like many states, is having sever budget issues. Yesterday, I went to my State Capitol to rally and lobby to restore the funds cut from the proposed State Budget for the agency that oversees abused and neglected children. I won't bore you with the details, even if I fully understood them, but suffice it to say, that the proposed cuts would devastate a protection system that is already last in the country in helping children.
I was brushed off by my local state representative, one of the few liberals left in my state's government, and I found out that this representative was actually responsible for writing this section of the proposed budget. She defends the budget by saying how much worse it could be.
I sat down in the halls of government and watched, and prayed, and thought.
Everything in the Capitol Building is over-sized, gilded, hand carved and covered in leather. Twenty foot high ceilings and doors. Marble walls, columns, statuary. Enormous wooden door frames and stair railings. Huge paintings of the important battles for independence. Portraits of every Governor, many of whom have gone on to be President. And gold and bronze gilded everything. The place was designed for fifteen foot high humans who stride like gods through the halls.
I went out onto the grounds of the Capitol and found what the plaque said was a collection of six statues of school children created with funds donated by school children in 1993. "A Tribute to Texas School Children" the plaque was titled. Only four of the statues were there. The base for a fifth was still there, the sixth base was missing.
I wanted to cry.
The giants of the Texas Legislature and the school children of Texas.
"Every sin is a form of violence."
23 March 2011
Right Here, Right Now
"Our non-violence has to begin at home with our children, elders, neighbours, and friends." - Fragment of a Letter to Abdul Ghaffar Khan, Harijan, 18 Jan 1942 (from The Essential Writings of Mahatma Gandhi edited by Raghavan Iyer)
I dream, I pray, for non-violence in far away lands. I practice non-violence in my front yard.
I live on a neighborhood street that is used to reach the local high school and other streets that lead out into the city. I spend time in my front yard greeting strangers and neighbors who pass by and I plant shrubbery and trees along the edge of the street to narrow the lanes and slow the speeding traffic.
I compost.
I recycle anything and everything that I can.
I live in a semi-arid land. I dig up the plants that are water hogs, e.g. my lawn, and I plant native plants.
I ride my bicycle to the store.
I have two beautiful foster daughters. Tomorrow, I will visit my locally elected representatives at the state capitol to lobby for continued support for abused and orphaned children as the legislators consider cuts to the budget.
I have an ever expanding garden to grow as much of my food as I can.
I buy local, organic fruits and vegetables whenever it is available.
It's a small start. There is much more that I could do, but I am still at the beginning of this journey.
I dream, I pray, for non-violence in far away lands. I practice non-violence in my front yard.
I live on a neighborhood street that is used to reach the local high school and other streets that lead out into the city. I spend time in my front yard greeting strangers and neighbors who pass by and I plant shrubbery and trees along the edge of the street to narrow the lanes and slow the speeding traffic.
I compost.
I recycle anything and everything that I can.
I live in a semi-arid land. I dig up the plants that are water hogs, e.g. my lawn, and I plant native plants.
I ride my bicycle to the store.
I have two beautiful foster daughters. Tomorrow, I will visit my locally elected representatives at the state capitol to lobby for continued support for abused and orphaned children as the legislators consider cuts to the budget.
I have an ever expanding garden to grow as much of my food as I can.
I buy local, organic fruits and vegetables whenever it is available.
It's a small start. There is much more that I could do, but I am still at the beginning of this journey.
21 March 2011
Fear & Love
"Fear and love are contradictory terms. Love is reckless in giving away, oblivious as to what it gets in return. Love wrestles with the world as with itself and ultimately gains a mastery over all other feelings." - 'From S.S. Rajputana-III' (Letter from M.D.)*, Young India, 1 Oct. 1931 (from The Essential Writings of Mahatma Gandhi edited by Raghavan Iyer)
Fear, I understand. I am a very fearful person and have always been so from my earliest memories. My father used to tell me that there was nothing to be afraid of. This did not help. It only made me feel bad about myself for being weak.
Today, I still have many fears. I fear financial insecurity, even though I have more than enough money. I fear old age and poor health. I fear losing my wife. I fear losing my daughters, biological and foster. I fear strangers. The list goes on and on.
But I have also begun to learn love. I started to learn in my late teens when I decided that for me the most important thing in the universe were children. Much of my adult life has been spent sharing my life with children. This brings me great joy and great sorrow, but mostly great love. I don't know that I have helped any of them, but I know that they have helped me.
It was this love that brought me to non-violence. It takes but a glance at history to see that the greatest victims of violence and greed have always been children. Followed closely, I might add, by the victimization of women.
A world of non-violence, a world of love, would be a world where the least among us would be raised up as the most important and most valued.
* Mahadev Desai published the above extract from a discours given by Gandhi at the evening prayer, during his voyage to London.
Fear, I understand. I am a very fearful person and have always been so from my earliest memories. My father used to tell me that there was nothing to be afraid of. This did not help. It only made me feel bad about myself for being weak.
Today, I still have many fears. I fear financial insecurity, even though I have more than enough money. I fear old age and poor health. I fear losing my wife. I fear losing my daughters, biological and foster. I fear strangers. The list goes on and on.
But I have also begun to learn love. I started to learn in my late teens when I decided that for me the most important thing in the universe were children. Much of my adult life has been spent sharing my life with children. This brings me great joy and great sorrow, but mostly great love. I don't know that I have helped any of them, but I know that they have helped me.
It was this love that brought me to non-violence. It takes but a glance at history to see that the greatest victims of violence and greed have always been children. Followed closely, I might add, by the victimization of women.
A world of non-violence, a world of love, would be a world where the least among us would be raised up as the most important and most valued.
* Mahadev Desai published the above extract from a discours given by Gandhi at the evening prayer, during his voyage to London.
18 March 2011
Prayer vs. Protest
"The cry for peace will be a cry in the wilderness, so long as the spirit of non-violence does not dominate millions of men and women." - 'Non-Violence -- The Greatest Force,' The Hindu, 8 Nov. 1926 (from The Essential Writings of Mahatma Gandhi edit by Raghavan Iyer)
In past weeks, the United States saw large protests from teachers, government workers, and concerned Americans about workers rights to organize and bargain and the slashing of government budgets leading to massive lay-offs of government workers. I participated in one of these protests in my state, Texas, in support of teachers in Wisconsin.
I left this protests, and most of the protests I have ever participated in, feeling empty and sad. I know that I am not the only one who left feeling this way. I spoke to friends who were there. I don't think this is how people should feel when they leave an event like this. There should be energy and excitement. There should be community and hope.
When I read the above essay, I began to understand why I feel this way.
The tactics of non-violence, have become widespread in this country. The spirit of non-violence abides in almost no one.
I have read a number of Dr. Martin Luther King's speeches. I have read John Lewis' book "Walking with the Wind." I have read many more books about non-violence, and yet, I forget that non-violence is not a set of techniques for getting what I want. It is a way of life. A way of being. It is heart and soul and not hand, foot, and tongue.
Prayer is more important than protest.
In past weeks, the United States saw large protests from teachers, government workers, and concerned Americans about workers rights to organize and bargain and the slashing of government budgets leading to massive lay-offs of government workers. I participated in one of these protests in my state, Texas, in support of teachers in Wisconsin.
I left this protests, and most of the protests I have ever participated in, feeling empty and sad. I know that I am not the only one who left feeling this way. I spoke to friends who were there. I don't think this is how people should feel when they leave an event like this. There should be energy and excitement. There should be community and hope.
When I read the above essay, I began to understand why I feel this way.
The tactics of non-violence, have become widespread in this country. The spirit of non-violence abides in almost no one.
I have read a number of Dr. Martin Luther King's speeches. I have read John Lewis' book "Walking with the Wind." I have read many more books about non-violence, and yet, I forget that non-violence is not a set of techniques for getting what I want. It is a way of life. A way of being. It is heart and soul and not hand, foot, and tongue.
Prayer is more important than protest.
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