Self-Purification

"Non-violence implies as complete self-purification as is humanly possible." - "The Greatest Force," Harijan, 12 Oct. 1935 (from The Essential Writings of Mahatma Gandhi edited by Raghavan Iyer)

 I struggle with Gandhi's often puritanical approach to non-violence.  I want to be a better person.  I want to eliminate violence from my life.  I believe in prayer and spiritual growth, but I am not seeking moksha, spiritual release from the cycle of death and reincarnation.  I do not have Gandhi's understanding of what happens after death.  I'm not sure what happens after death.  And I certainly don't want the success or failure of non-violence in the world even slightly dependent on how close to perfection I come.  I am, and I'm afraid I will always be, far, far from perfection.

I believe in a God that can redeem the mistakes I make and the awful tragedies that happen in the world.  Karma, actions and deeds that shape past, present and future events, is not a part of what I believe.

I don't want to be purified.  I'm happy being a muddled human being, fumbling my way through life, trusting that God will take my humble offerings and do something miraculous.  I trust God will do this, because I have seen God do this in the past, and not just in my life, but in the lives of friends and relatives and strangers.

This is not an excuse for laziness or lack of effort or not working on personal growth or any other failure to do whatever it is in my power to do that can help change the world, but I trust that the feebleness of my efforts will not keep God from taking them and multiplying them a thousand fold or ten thousand fold.

I may be wrong.  I will certainly keep asking God to help me overcome my defects of character, my greed, my sloth, my lust, my gluttony, etc., and perhaps God will work miracles in me.   I don't believe that God needs my help, I think God wants my help and that's why God created me as I am, foibles and all.

Progress not Perfection

"Faith is not a thing to grasp, it is a state to grow to.  And growth comes from within." - A Letter, Mahadev Desai's Diary (MSS), 3 May 1935

I am not a deep spiritual person.  My mother used to say, "Deep down inside, I'm really very shallow," and I believe that describes me.  I don't have strong convictions and even though I pray regularly and meditate often, I rarely feel in touch with the Great Spirit, a power greater than myself, God, the creator, or whatever of the thousand names you prefer.

And I don't worry about that.  I know that my feelings are all on the inside and have nothing to do with what's really going on in the universe (and by universe, I do not mean what physicists mean by 'universe.'  I mean everything, whatever that means.) 

My feelings are not what are important.  My actions are what are important.  "Simplicity, service, living so as not to hurt others,"  to quote Gandhi.

I try and practice a simple faith by doing what other spiritual people do and I leave the outcome up to God.