Gandhi struggled his whole life with his desires. He had great control over his actions, but felt that true enlightenment would be reached only when he had control over his desires.
I have only minimal control over my actions and no control over my desires. I want what I want when I want it. And far too often I satisfy my wants or become petulant, angry, and petty when I don't get what I want even if I, myself, show some modicum of self-restraint.
“A boat and a bigger boat and a ship and a bigger ship and desire and a carrot and a carrot and a carrot and desire and desire and desire and desire.” –Spaulding Gray, Swimming to Cambodia, 1987
It's the American Dream.
It is not my dream. But my dream scares me. How can I be happy if I don't get the next latest and greatest thing? How can I be happy if I don't get to travel the world and see all the amazing places there are to see? How can I be happy if I don't eat great food and watch TV and play games on my computer and drive a nice car and live in a beautiful home? The list of things I 'need' to be 'happy' seems endless.
That pretty much describes my mind. I have little control over my thoughts, feelings and actions.
My mind is like a drunken monkey. "Mere effort is not enough for controlling it." I need outside help. I need a spiritual program. I need a power greater than myself.
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